20 Mar 2002
Yesterday, March 19, which is Michael's birthday, I decided to make a road trip to Burlington to take him his birthday gift – a new flag for his grave. I try to replace it yearly. He would have been 29.
I prefer to remember his birthday, as it was one of the three happiest days of my life. The day he was called Home, was not a happy day for me, but perhaps for him, as he was released from the trial of life as we know it.
The six hour drive included light rain all the way. I kept praying that it would subside so that when I got to the cemetery it would be dry. But, it continued.
So, I replaced his flag and attached a small angel that was left from another who loved him also many moons ago. We don't know who, but it doesn't matter. It is good to see that others have come to say "hello" and "I remember".
As I stood in the drizzle, talking out loud to him, tears of a humble mother fell freely. This was the hardest time I have had while visiting him. Perhaps this year was the hardest, as I am also going through the empty nest syndrome.
Not knowing what I am suppose to do next, has really set my mind into a state of confusion.
Well meaning friends and family give me advice, but the end decision has to come from me, through the answer I receive from my Father in Heaven. I find if I make decisions from his counsel, then life seems to flow a lot easier, without as many stumbling blocks.
He has always promised it won't necessarily be easy, but it will be worth it. He has never let me down, so I proceed on knowing that He has a plan for me. One that I can and will live with.
Right now, the plan is not clear, but it will come, with time, patience and prayer.
On my way home, I made a quick stop to say hi to Ceci in her cute, new shop and then on through Nauvoo to catch a glimpse of the temple. All I can say is, "wow!" It is gorgeous and so white. White as purity; as He ask us to live our lives.
Nauvoo is full of hustle and bustle and I thought of the times past when the temple was being built and how it must have looked all a flurry. Exciting times in which we are blessed to live. Should I or would I move back there? If He says I should, then I would.
Then it was on the Keokuk to say hi to Mom and leave her a new flag. Cemeteries have a neat spirit of serenity and are so clean and peaceful. The birds are singing as spring is in the air.
The three hundred mile/six hour drive home gives me more time to ponder the day and life in general. No decisions are made, but I know they will come.
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